i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
