Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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