Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize