i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
