I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
