I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
