I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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