I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
