i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
