I hope mine doesn't look like that
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize