can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
