Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
