My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Drunk is not a location!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
