i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
