i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
