If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize