Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
