I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she smelled like a LAN party
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
