When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
