got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
