Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
soo... how was my night?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
