Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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