You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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