don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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