I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
