After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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