Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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