Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
