Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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