Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize