I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
