Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
