My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
