Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
