shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
