I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm too high and old for this...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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