And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
