Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
