I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
