Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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