i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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