wanna go halves on a baby?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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