Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
