How has he not realized you're pregnant?
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Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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