i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I smell like Dick and happiness
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