the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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