Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
