the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
