I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
