I can't breathe out the right side of my face
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
