And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
