I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
