I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
