He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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