She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
