so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
