you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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