New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
two words...techno handjob
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
