you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
