I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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