i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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