Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
