your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
