So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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