im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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