I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize