sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
